what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
