she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
