so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
