who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
