So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
