Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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