Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
