I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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