I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?