my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.