sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday