I think my vagina is haunted
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on