Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
