i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
