So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
