I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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