The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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