At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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