this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
