i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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