My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
