I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sarcasm needs its own font
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
