Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
