Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
