He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
