When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
