i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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