May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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