Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
