we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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