i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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