i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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