oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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