Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
