watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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