Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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