Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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