You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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