I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
