So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize