I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
