i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
