I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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