I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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