you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
