Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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