This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
