well I can't set my house on fire every night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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