i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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