this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just high enough for therapy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
