she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
