i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
