Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is my gift to your gina
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
