She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
