I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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