hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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