my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
