He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
