Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
