She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
