this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
