She's JV to your varsity
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
