I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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