What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
