Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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