evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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