I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
