I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
