those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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