you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
