dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
