The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
