if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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